Can’t Eat, Can’t Sleep, Knock It Out of the Ballpark
You’ve probably wondered why my blog has been a bit silent over the last couple of months.
In all honesty, I’ve been thinking about how best to share with you my heart and recent life’s experiences. I’ve always tried to make my blog transparent, useful, and inspirational, but most of all, filled with personal insights that come from deep within my heart. So, here’s my update that begins with my journal entry that goes back to January 1, 2016. May it be a blessing to you today. And, this is just a start. I’ll continue to provide updates as I open my heart to you, my readers, and to the beauty that God has in store for all of us.
January 1, 2016
It’s now been almost 13 months since Terry–my husband of over 42 years–moved from earth to eternity in the blink of an eye. And, I am just now beginning to feel that God is leading me to surrender to my highest self, whatever that means, even if it means being open to a love relationship with another man.
I never thought I would seek another relationship beyond Terry. I am a person who enjoys some solitude, I am proactive and independent, surrounded by family love, and am busy with my medical practice, my church, my children’s choir, and my family, particularly my grandchildren. I know that I am enough in God, and truly do not need to seek a relationship out of loneliness. However, I am deeply committed to following God and surrendering to God’s best and highest for my life. So, with a bit of trepidation and an equal measure of curiosity, I will attempt to surrender my future life to God’s highest and best, trusting God to lead and guide me, whatever that might bring.
January 2, 2016
I decided that if I felt led by God to enter into a love relationship, I would specify a few things about this person. Here are some qualities I listed that day in my journal regarding this man.
I want a love relationship that knocks it out of the park (I’m talking can’t eat, can’t sleep, knock-it-out-of-the-ballpark, epic love story stuff.) I want someone who falls hard and fast for me and I for them–literally “love at first sight.” A man who holds my hand for the first time and we truly experience nothing less than “Magic.”
Someone who is secure enough in himself that he doesn’t need to play games. A man who honors, loves and serves God, who is willing to surrender fully to what he believes is God’s best, who believes in miracles and angels and the Sacred Field of Infinite Possibilities.
A relationship that is full of agape love; daily devotionals, prayer and meditation; shared family and grandchildren. Someone who has no need or desire for alcohol. A guy who loves Hawaii, and is full of passion and generosity.
· His Mind exudes intellect, optimism, pleasure, and gratitude.
· His Body commits to health, daily exercise, and wise food choices.
· His Spirit radiates an unshaken faith that lives and believes that God is Good and All Is Well.
As I began to list my “qualifications” for a love relationship, I experienced a guilty thought: “Oh, I can’t have another love relationship outside of Terry; that would be disloyal.” But in the split second following that thought, I had another thought that seemed to come directly from Terry.
In that thought, I felt that Terry conveyed to me that he is now on the other side–in eternity. He reminded me that on that side of the veil, there is no jealousy or competition. I was aware of Terry’s assurance that he doesn’t think in duality like that anymore. We are all one. Just as a parent continues to love their first child as deeply even if subsequent children join the family, I realized acutely that loving someone new would not take away from the love that Terry and I had experienced for over 42 years; my heart would just expand to experience even more love. Actually, because I have loved once before, I believed that I could love again, perhaps with even more intensity—even picking up where Terry and I left off–as I continued to seek my highest self, now with Terry’s help as he is ever-present with God and the great cloud of witnesses. I knew in that moment that all Terry wanted for me was to live my Highest Purpose in God on this earth in service to others, and as I did, I would experience God’s utmost joy and happiness in my life.
And, so, I made the conscious decision to open myself up to the possibility of more Love. As the songwriter Rickie Byers Beckwith so eloquently expresses, “Open your heart and let Love have its own way.”
Fast forward to today: September 2, 2016.
Some of you who are my Facebook friends have recently seen pictures that my fiancé posted. (Yes, I am getting married on October 22!)
Please stay tuned for future blogs that will fill in the details between last January’s journal entry and today. My prayer is that by sharing my intimate heart, you will be inspired to soar with me to higher planes of loving and living, whatever that might mean for you. Perhaps it relates to a love relationship, an occupational change, a geographical move, or a new commitment.
May you be inspired to follow the leading of God in your heart as you seek your highest purposes here on earth. Miracles truly are possible in this world, and we can live bits of heaven on this earth!